Nobody really knows the right time to let go. Even letting go a pet kitten that I had for two days was one of the hardest things to do in my life when I was six years old. Yet, it doesn’t matter if your are 80 years old or 21 years old, being told that you have inoperable cancer is shattering. Basically what you are being told is that right now there is nothing that medicine can do for you, so in turn you basically have two options. The options are, either seek aggressive treatment and only gain two to three months of life or seek palliative treatments and gain a better quality of life. The choice is left up to the patient. What should they do? What should MEDICINE do when it cannot save your life? Questions such as these are not as clear as they seem, but I will try and answer as if it where me who was dying.
I believe that if I was at my end of life and there was nothing that could cure my cancer, I would chose the path of palliative care. I want to be able to die free of pain and discomfort. What I fear most is that I am stuck on a ventilator, being fed by a feeding tube, stuck in the same position and looking up at the same boring hospital ceiling day after day, with no drive or no hope of getting better. I refuse to be a vegetable. Truth be told, I would want to be in my home being active in the family for as long as I can and hopefully (and I am old beyond my years at this time) play outside with my grandchildren. Not even, if I could just watch them play like my grandmother watched me it would make my cancer easier to bear with. There is hope at the end of the tunnel even if it is death. Hope that you can still be involved in life and still can make a difference. Yet, in the case I am unable to fulfill my dream, I refuse to be a lab rat to constant experimental medicine. If medicine could do just ONE thing for me, please just let me live life the best I can and let death reap me in my sleep.