I don’t understand life and sometimes I don’t ever think that I will. For the things that I have experienced, good and bad, it’s not a matter of “why me?” instead it’s a matter of “why now?” These past few months have not been the best. Between being tight on money, stressing way too much over the workload I have with classes, family problems that not many would understand, not being able to work enough to have money, and finally to top it all of I got into a car accident on Halloween. The car accident pushed me over the edge. All of these normal stressful situations I cannot deal with naturally. I have chronic depression; it runs in my family and is impossible to ignore. Some people would listen to what I have to say, the crazy thoughts running through my mind and actually understand while others criticize the heck out of me. Suicide isn’t something to judge a person on. When you do that you’re making it worse. People with metal disorders who are having suicidal thoughts just want to be heard and understood; so why don’t we listen to them? In the movie It’s Kind of a Funny Story the main character Craig is a clinically depressed teenager who not only wants to be heard but to have someone actually understand and truly listen. He checks himself into an adult psychiatric ward because he wants to kill himself. Craig’s suicide is a referred suicide because he’s confused about himself, how to deal with life like most people deal with easily; he’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do. Negative life events such as the stress build-up Craig experiences from his dad pressuring him to finish an application for summer school and having clinical depression are two of many things that made Craig want to commit suicide.
The reason I chose to blog about suicide is because of the people I have met that believed it was their only way out and I thought it was my only way out three times. Now I take things one day at a time, one homework assignment at a time, and set my priorities straight; mindfulness. Another reason I blogged about suicide is because I like studying psychology, mental health in why people do what they do. Overall, when I finish my schooling here at USF I want to help people with mental disorders and steer them away from the path of suicide.
“Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse. Suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.”