Thinking About Losing Those Close to Me.

calm-water

After a semester of procrastination I finally interviewed my 75-year-old uncle today as a part of our final project. I found my 2 hour-long interview to be quite insightful, and it got me thinking about when we actually start thinking about death. I’m not specifically talking about our own death, but death in general. Speaking from my own life, I have been thinking about death since I was young. I was always afraid that my dad and mom would die and I would find myself trying to calculate how many years they had left to live. I have always been afraid of losing them. The thought of my own death does not worry me as much as my parents’ death because the latter seems closer to me.

My uncle mentioned that when his parents, older siblings and his wife died there was always an intense amount of sadness and loss that he felt. One thing that did strike me was when he said that after the first few deaths there something of a learning curve for him in learning how to deal with such heavy loss. As time went on and other members of his family began to pass he was more capable of dealing with those losses. I remember telling him I could not even fathom thinking about losing family members, and he told me that as time moves on loved ones will begin to pass and eventually I will learn to find peace with that. Although it is still a disturbing prospect to think about his words did bring some sense of calm and peace to me. As you can tell from my post my family means the most to me, and the thought of life without them is quite difficult for me to think about. I guess that reinforces my part in the death denying culture of America. That being said I am not ashamed of that fact, although I know at some point I will have to come to terms with impending death whether that be mine or my loved ones. I know in the end even through the heartbreak of loss I will be able to survive and be at peace with it.

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6 thoughts on “Thinking About Losing Those Close to Me.

  1. I definitely can relate to you when you speak about your parents death being far nearer to you than your own. This close proximity and almost harsh reality is far more pressing than your own mortality. Imagining life without the ones who have been there your whole life is always going to be an inconceivable notion until it has finally occurred. But as you go on to describe, eventually you become desensitized to the loss after it occurs continuously. Not sure if that continual loss is something to seek but at least the easing of the pain occurs towards the latter stages.

  2. Wow, I really liked what you had to say about your interview with your uncle. I found it interesting that he said you in a sense progressively learn how to deal with more and more losses. And honestly, it makes sense. Like you I also can’t even imagine what it would be like without one or both of my parents. Or grandparents for me. I’ve only ever known two of my grandparents and they helped raise me when I was young, so to me they are like my second parents. However, recently my mom has been having some problems, and has been under many tests trying to find the problem. My whole family is kind of sitting on pins and needles after the last ones, since they are testing for either an infectious disease or lymphoma… But it made me realize the significance of my interview even more. And like you knowing answers of what they think, is kind of peace of mind.

  3. I also wrote about the fear of the death of my loved ones. It too scares me more that my own death. I don’t know if it’s because my parents mean the most to me and I feel like I would be nothing without them or if I’m scared of them suffering. I liked how you mentioned your uncle because it does give me hope that I will be at peace with the idea of the death of my parents. It will be difficult but I have to know that eventually everything will be okay.

  4. Your concern for your parents and your fear of losing them is very understandable. I’m assuming you are a young college student, so this time in your life is stressful and you probably worry about pretty much everything. From my own experience, I can tell you that losing your parents is devastating, no matter how old you are when it occurs. Even an anticipated loss of a parent from a terminal illness is awful. It’s very strange to be “an orphan” at my age, but I feel the loss of my parents every day. I know it is a cliche, but truly cherish the time you have with your parents and older relatives now. It is much easier to deal with a loss when you have no regrets about the relationship you had with that person.

  5. It was very easy to relate to your post. The fear of losing my parents, family members or any of my friends is terrifying because you never know when it is your turn to go and I want to be able to make sure my family and friends were satisfied with the lives they lived. When preparing to interview my grandmother, I felt a bit uneasy just because I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable with any of my questions. As you stated that you have been thinking about death for many years, I have been as well from an early age. I was never sure if it was normal to think about death the way I did but from reading your post, it seems to me that we have a similar mindset on death. Losing a loved one is a very tragic event in anyone’s life and it does make talking about death with your family, tough to do.

  6. If only more people from my generation would talk to those who are elderly much would be learned. Older people have lived and experienced so much in their lifetime that we could benefit from. Death of close loved ones happens more frequently when you’re older. Having an accepting attitude, knowing that the hurt will pass and that life should be treasured makes it more bearable. I continue to enjoy hearing stories of my grandmothers life and hope I live a life half as full as hers.

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