Suicide is something that has always been rather personal to me. It is something that I have dealt with personally on many occasions, whether that was dealing with the dark, heavy feelings myself, or helping other people lift that weight off their own shoulders. Stephen Hawking once said that “quite people have the loudest minds.” Well, I tend to strongly agree with this statement, in any way it can be interpreted. The people that have the most to say and who might need the most help are often the ones that do not usually reveal it and hide it; it’s easy to fake a smile.
Middle school was a challenge for me growing up but the real problems did not come until high school. I was starting to take on a workload I had never had before and, despite doing well, the added stress took its toll. Spending my time at school, even though I had quite a few friends, I still felt constantly alone. At home, my parents would fight all the time. My dad, being an alcoholic, would spend half of his day at work and then the other half getting drunk in the garage. My sisters were often at each other’s throats, adding to the tension. So at home, I spent most of my time alone, isolated in my room away from the constant tension and stress. During that period, I felt more loneliness, like I had no one to talk to about what was going on in my life or what I feeling. Although, truthfully, I think the biggest thing that I felt was that no one would really care. People have their own problems and I suppose I thought that if I voiced my feelings of struggling with the idea of killing myself, it would only add to their problems and wouldn’t make me feel any better. So I dealt with it myself the best I could for quite some time. But eventually, I did open up about it a little to a couple close friends and they helped me through it. They were there for me and, even though I still don’t believe they understand the gravity of what they had done for me (although their initials permanently drawn into my skin helps), I believe they’re the reason I’m still here and still doing my best to succeed. I owe them everything; they’re family to me.
Depression and suicide are not things that I take lightly if someone ever comes to me in an emotional crisis. It’s important to listen, console, and help when possible because having that one person that cares can make all the difference.