As the fall semester was quickly approaching, I realized at the last minute I needed one more class to graduate. I chose death and dying. Not because I didn’t know anything about death, or that I wanted to learn more. I simply chose death and dying as a course because I’ve been through it, I’ve experienced a death, but mostly, a part of me wanted to understand why death happens. I was hoping to be able to heal from my dad’s death and learn to forgive myself for having the feelings I did towards death. Honestly, I had no idea what this class was going to entail; but, walking out of this class I am a lot better than I was when I first walked in.
Recently, we learned of Paul Walkers death. We learned that he died in the one thing he loved most, a race car. His body was burned and the only way they were able to figure out whose body was which was by their teeth. Death is inevitable, that’s all there is to it. You can’t stop death and you can’t stop someone from dying no matter how much you try bargaining. Fact is, everyone is going to die, you’re going to love someone so much and one day they’re not going to be there anymore. Yes, you’re going to grieve, but that’s normal.
December 11th, will be 7 years since my dad’s death. It has taken 7 years for me not to learn that I don’t need to hold guilt inside me. That everything I did and said was a natural reaction. I felt guilty for not crying at the funeral, I felt guilty for not going to his hospital room one last time, I blamed my mom for not calling me to come to the hospital; but instead, called me to say goodbye. This class has taught me that it’s ok for me to let go of that guilt. It’s taught me that there is no wrong or right way of grieving. That everyone is going to die and everyone is going to react and handle death in his or her own way.